The Lineup

Butch: Is it me or did Peepers just give us the 'ole..."I dare you to chase me" look?

Baron: Eyes straight guys, eyes straight. Remember...we're being graded here.

Nitro: 30 seconds is all I'm asking for. Just 30 seconds...

Hear me roar

Bobby: Watch this guys, I'm gonna give someone the scare of their life.

Cecil: Hey Bobby, you weigh 10lbs soaking wet man...I don't think anyone is really going to be scared by you trying to roar.

Mikey: Oh good, here comes the trainer with a bottle...maybe tomorrow Bob, maybe tomorrow...

Sleep Running

Butch: (dreaming) Must catch the stick...

Butch: (dreaming) Must catch the stick...

Butch: Okay, I'm never going to live this one down...

Jaws

Woman: Are you sure we're in the right place? This doesn't look like the room for the photo shoot.

Spielberg: Ok everyone, on the count of three say "Cheeese"

Man: #1: What did you expect...this is what happens when you put Steven in charge of the props.

Green Bananas

Monkey #1: Hey Sal, do you mind? There are people across the fence staring at us man.

Sal: I think that I ate one too many of those green bananas.

Monkey #1: Yeah, well so did we...but you don't see us laying around spread eagle. Compose yourself man, compose yourself!

Pigeon Lore

Pigeon #1: So as I was sayin'...I'm sitting up on the wire across the street and all of a sudden this guy trips and drops his bag of popcorn everywhere.

Pigeon #2: How long was it before Ralph and the boys showed up?

Pigeon #1: It took them about a minute to fly in. But, fortunately for me this wasn't my first rodeo… So I scarfed up a few kernals and got the heck out of dodge.

Neat Trick

Blonde: Wow, is that supposed to be part of the trick?

Brunette #1: Nah, I don't think so. I reckin' he didn't see that turtle laying in the grass.

Brunette #2: If he ends up landing on his feet I'll give him my phone number.

Quick Chat

Cow: Hey man, long time no see... where ya headed?

Flipper: Oh, just chasing a school of tuna...and you?

Cow: Eh, I just came back from jumping over the moon and thought I'd stop by.

The Catch

Jesse: Now this is what I call a fish Billy Ray!

Billy Ray: Yeah, we should win some type of award for this catch.

Fish: (Thinking to himself) I'll let these boys have their fun for another minute or two and then I'll give them the scare of their lives.

Doggie Dressup

Marmaduke: Well, at least they dressed both of us up the same way. It could be worse...














Pug: Could be worse? Are you kidding...have you seen what I look like? I'm a cross between a gremlin and a snow boot.













Bulldog: I don't want to hear a word out of either one of you. Someone please just shoot me now.

What sign?

Lounging Bear: 5 to 1 says that Carlos doesn't see that sign. Any takers?

Bear #2: Ooooo... here he comes, tell me what happens... I can't watch.

Lounging Bear: (watching Carlos bite it) Dang I'm good. Pay up suckers... pay up!

Droids "shooting the bull"

C-3PO: Okay R2, calculate the odds of a brawl between Vador and let's say...Chewy and 10 Ewoks.

R2-D2: Tweet - Chirp - Chirp - Tweet

C-3PO: How am I suppose to know if the Ewoks are carrying lightsabers? It's a hypothetical question you box of lug nuts!

Cannonball

Contestant #1: Yes, folks - I am the reigning champion and I'm about to drown out the rest of you wanna be's.

Contestant #2: At least now the judges know that I'm the only contestant that can contort my body "Indian style", that's got to count for something...

Contestant #3: (Thinking to himself) When you hit the water - don't bite the thumb...don't bite the thumb...

Quadrupeds

Squirrel: Hey furball...go ahead and make your move. This will be the last time you get dizzied up on cat nip and chase me around the yard. Oh, and one more thing...you can take off that silly little helmet at any time. Me and my boys already got plenty of pictures. (chuckles)

Cat: Foolish little morsel... you can never comprehend the unwavering determination of a feline. I will hunt you till the end of time and beyond. (eyes shooting daggers at the squirrel)

Super Squirrel: Okay fellas...I'm going to have to intervene before the two-legged folk start getting suspicious.

Pecs

Bodybuilder: Hey Jan...I'm not sure we should be doing back today. I feel like I've been slacking on my pecs lately...they're feeling small.

Jan: You just worked chest this morning, remember? Or did those 5 protein shakes erase the last 3 hours?

Bodybuilder: All I know is that if I don't bang out some incline press within the next couple minutes, someone is going to have some serious roid rage on their hands.

Tap Out

Monkey: I'm telling you this choke hold works. You should have seen how quickly the guy tapped out last night.

Dog: You need to take a break from that UFC pay per view stuff. You're getting way too obsessed.

Monkey: (adjusts his grip and sighs) If only I had been born a Silverback...

Wanderlust

Turtle #1: Anyone know where we're supposed to be going?

Turtle #2: What are you talking about? We're following you!

Turtle #1: You're following me? Dude, I hatched right after you did less than 10 minutes ago...remember?

I'll make you famous

Mikey: Hey Bob, how long we gonna lay here acting like we don't see this guy? We're supposed to be dinosaurs...remember?

Bob: Patience Mikey. This guy is a classic "YouTuber". He's going to have someone from across the fence start recording at any moment now...I can feel it.

Mikey: Let's hope so. I see Lester and his crew coming out of the water now. If they make their way over here...it ain't gonna be pretty.

Not Cool

Penguin #1: Wait a minute! What the heck was that!? Okay, who farted?

Anonymous Penguin: (snickering somewhere within the crowd)

Penguin #1: Not cool man...not cool at all.

Left Hook

Trinity: Oh look Neo...it's another one of those computer generated rent-a-cops.

Cop: (says nothing, but pulls a knife and slashes it toward Trinity)

Trinity: Hey 'Copper' allow me to introduce you to 'Thunder' (BOOM!) and if you're lucky...perhaps you won't have to meet 'Lightning'.

The Triplets

Ape: So guys...what's the deal? Are we going to cut or raise taxes?

W: Well Dang, that's a really good question.














Tom: Friends, it matters not. Even if you raised them by this much, I won't be paying mine.

Quick-witted

Kerry: Mr. President, I hope you're prepared for a Texas sized whooping.

W: (stares blankley for a moment) Not if I whoop you first.

Kerry: Well said Mr. President, well said.

Don't blink

Letstat: I've been standing here for over a day now. We've seemed to acheive a momentary stalemate.

Louis: Are you still looking at that disgusting fish in that bowl? I thought I told you...fish don't blink.

Lestat: We'll see about that (walks toward the fish and whispers...) I'm going to give you the choice I never had...

Showtime

Seal: Okay Brutus, let's put on a good show for the folks with the camera.

Brutus: Just start swimming playfully on the surface... I'll take care of the rest.

Seal: You got it buddy. Just remember - it's all fun and games until someone loses and eye.

The Dukes

Daisy: Both of you boys need a haircut. Why, you can't even fit those hats on your silly little heads.

Bo: Maybe, but we still look cool...remember it's the 80's. Plus, I'm preping myself for the future role of being Clark Kent's foster father.

Luke: Well, this looks to be my last gig...so can I at least drive the General Lee one time before the season ends?

Frog Mischief

Poison Frog #1: Its all coming together nicely. Once Jed falls off this stem ...the three of us will become the next Bud-wei-ser sensations!

Poison Frog #2: (Hanging on for dear life) Dudes! Pull me back up! Someone coated this area with some slimy stuff...I can't hold much longer!

Poison Frog #1: It's just natures way Jed...it's just natures way...

Fantastic Four

Phelps: Dude, you're on the Jumbotron, take off your goggles...you look scary as crap.

Goggles: Tell me we won...tell me we won...?

Phelps: Dude...you're with me...of course we WON!

Howy Baby

Beth: Ohhh Howy Pooh - You are too cute!

Howard: Yeah right, if I weren't rich you wouldn't touch me with a 10ft pole. Come on admit it.

Beth: True dat baby. True dat.

Hank the Astro-nut

Hank: Uhh, hey Earl...check out my new space outfit thingy ma'bob.

Earl: Way to go buddy, you look like a gen-u'-wine astro-nut. (laughs uncontrollably at his unexpedited craftyness with words)

Space Center Photographer: Excuse me sir, could you please close your mouth for the photo...your Skoal Bandit is about to fall out.

Bears

Bear #1: Tell me I'm not delusional and you see the ice fisherman over there.

Bear #2: Yep, I've been laying here watching him drill that hole for over an hour.

Bear #1: (sniffs the air) Okay, let's wait until he catches a few more fish before we go over and rain on his parade.

PC Engine Trouble

PC: I just don't get it, everything was working fine a day ago.

Mac: Didn't you install an upgrade yesterday?

PC: That was just a patch for the tail lights. Oddly enough, right afterward my head gasket went kaput.

Pros vs. Joes

Big Man: How long are we going to have to stand here like this?

Little Man: Shouldn't be too much longer. It usually takes Laverne a few minutes to figure out how to use the camera.

Big Man: Tell your wife to get a move on...my guns are getting tired.

Dad is always right!

Vador: You're grounded for two weeks young lady.

Leia: But Dad...I didn't know Luke was my brother.

Vador: Well, neither did I...but you're still grounded!

Crosshairs

Sniper: Is that a flame thrower he's wearin'?

Spotter: Sure is Sergeant.

Sniper: Thought so. (grins) watch this...

The Right Stuff

Astronaut #1: Does anyone else feel like they're wearing silver spandex? `tugs on the back of his pants

Astronaut #2: Something just doesn't feel right about this picture.

Astronaut #3: I hope my wife doesn't see this.

The Dream Ticket

Sarah: Hey Danny boy, how are ya! `wink

Dan: Well, there's something very wrong with my thumb... and I still can't spell potatoe.

Sarah: Aww shucks Dan that's okay, I'd send you an email with the correct spelling, but someone's already hack, err hiked, no hicked, um...stole my account.